From Dusk Till Dawn At Least
by batman100
Summary: The X-Crew try their hands on a Spongebob parody of the episode Graveyard Shift. But with actors out of control, chaos, several movie allusions, Ghost Rider directing the parody, and a surprise twist, you're in for a load of laughter! Author/character commentary and a special surprise guest at the end!


**From Dusk till Dawn… At Least by Batman100**

**A/N: This is a sort-of Spongebob parody of Graveyard Shift with an adding in of Monty Python allusions and a shoutout to a few movies. Thanks to KingdomKey, Smenzer, RW and ColdFusion180 for giving me the inspiration. And now, on with the show! PS- the title is not to be confused with the 1996 vampire movie**

**Casting (just to make clear) Spongebob- Scott Squidward- Jean Mr. Krabs- Professor X Patrick- Blob Customers- Jamie clones Nosferatu (himself) Hash-Slinging Slasher- Toad**

"Ah, the Xavier Mansion, home of the world-famous X-Men heroes, where closing time starts right about…"

"NOW!" Jean whooped for joy, cutting off the French Narrator and flinging the sign off the knob. "8;00! Hasta la vista, suckers! I have a date with a certain hot stuff, and her- I mean **his** name is Clarinet." Jean sighed in relief, about to strike the music when a Jamie knocked on the door

"What in?! What the hell do you want?" Jean asked irately. Ah-HEM, need I remind you this is for kids? They cant hear cussing! It'll taint the essence! Make it more oh, I dunno, PG-ish.

"Ok, ok get a grip." Jean muttered before stating "What?" "Are you guys open?" Jamie asked stupidly. "Read. The. Sign." Jean growled, clenching her teeth

I can see this is gonna be harder than I thought it would be.

"I'll, um have a Krusty Kelp Fries and an extra combo." Jamie stated like he was in a restaurant (It **IS** a ripoff of Spongebob, duh! The Krusty Krab- XMansion? Go figure.)

"Oh no you will NOT! I cannot be in this heap all day! **I **have a life!" Jean hissed before asking "How'd they get **you** in this parody?" "Simple, all my copies are the customers. Who are waiting behind me. Patiently. With their stomachs rumbling like the sound of a volcano." Jamie slowly added, pausing for dramatic effect. He had no idea Jean simply ignored all of it "For the last time, we're closed! Now out with the lot of ye or I'll keelhaul the lot of you!"

"CUT!" A voice shrilled from off screen, belonging to Magneto dressed in a colonel's uniform quite so resembling the same outfit the late great Graham Chapman used in Monty Python (R.I.P. Graham) Hey you! You cant cut! This is MY story! **I** make the rules here!

"Oh? Well I for one think these fanfics are getting too silly. Those last few fanfics were very silly indeed, and that last one about Jean getting drunk was even sillier, and not to mention appallingly gross." Magneto ranted

"HEY!" Jean snarled, about to pounce until Victor and Peter had to hold her back

"Now; no one likes a good laugh more than I do, including the Acolytes, my daughter Wanda, and all my followers except my lazy, inconsiderate, good-for-nothing, totally insensitive son Pietro!" Magneto also added, gazing at Pietro in disgust

"**HOW DARE YOU!** I **QUIT!" **Pietro bellowed, hurling an anvil at Magneto's head, knocking out the magnetic maestro with a loud clang

"Ooh, that's gotta hurt." Scott winced at the sight of it before calling out "Hey, could someone get an ambulance? We got one with an anvil on his head!"

Well, I can see this parody has now turned into a complete bloody disaster free for all. And to think there would be a Monty Python reference. Which I think is a LOT better than you-know-what.

"What?" Pyro asked before uttering "Is it Biggus Di…"

"PYRO NO!" Scott and Warren both echoed, clamping their hands over Pyro's mouth, as the entire crew stared strangely at what just happened

You know what, fine; let's just start over. Ok everyone from the top… again! And this time, please please PUHLEEEZE keep the drama to a minimal or the Fanfiction owners will sue me! And ACTION!

"Ah, the Xavier Mansion. Home of the world-famous…" Kurt started in his French accent

WE DID THAT! Jamie, get your butt over here, say your lines and lets get this parody finished! I have a Anime meeting tonight! Jean, do us all a big favor and try to show a little self-control. Do it and there's about oh a $5K raise in it for you

"On that note, you've got it." Jean teased seductively, heading for the stage

"WHAT?! A $5K raise?! That's OUTRAGEOUS!" Logan growled, irate

Look bud, I had to do that just so things don't get out of control. And yes, she **does** get the money. **Yes**, there'll be plenty for you and if you don't quit it with the griping in five minutes, I will personally have Raven and Lightning here again!

"Oh god no no no! ANYTHING but them!" Logan shivered before straightening up "Yes sir"

That's better. Now quit caterwauling and get in the backstage. And would someone quit tweaking with the- HEY! WHO'S USING THE FREEZE FRAMES?!

"Oops." Duncan gulped as Ghost Rider stood behind him, his whip dangling over Duncan's neck

Jean finally approached Jamie and was about to say her line when a horrific bloodcurdling scream echoed through the manor, along with the smell of brimstone.

Um… Hank, could you uh, get rid of this? As quickly as possible? Before someone SEES it?!

"Aye sir!" Hank obeyed, as he, Jason and Gambit ushered Duncan's corpse out of the building

"All right Batman100, move over. I'll handle this." Ghost Rider grumbled as I stepped off the director's chair.

All right have it your way. Remember, no more killing off stars or I'll have to discuss your financial checks!

"Wanna bet?" GR growled. On secnd thought never mind. Have fun; I'll be in my trailer. Everyone, Ghost Rider will be helming this parody. Pay attention, listen to him and as a **HUGE** warning… do not make him mad.

"Great; we're stuck with the motorcycle stunt rider from Hell." Lance grumbled

"I HEARD THAT YOU IDIOT! Come here and say that again! I DARE YOU!" GR roared, his chainwhip now blazing viciously

"Johnny, take it easy. Lance, I'm serious, you do NOT wanna piss him off. Unless you wanna know what happened with Duncan?" Scott warned, keeping the brimstone biker at bay

"Thanks. Ok you know what, let's have the Professor enter. Jamie, say your line." GR uttered "Well uh I guess now that youre closed you wont need my money." Jamie echoed

"MONEY?" a loud voice cheered. Jean looked up to see Professor X dressed in a crab suit land on top of her, with a huge goofy grin on his face

"Jean, me girl; welcome to the night shift. From here on in, the mansion is opened 24 hours a day!" Professor X announced, to Jamie and the customers' delight and Jean's utter disgust

"WHAT?!" Jean screamed in shock only to be trampled by a stampeding crowd of hungry Jamie clones

"Whoever has size 8 clodhoppers, please see me in the lobby!" Warren announced through the intercom

"Wow… Do you know what this means? Now we never have to stop working! It'll be like a slumber party, only we'll be covered with slime and grease!" Scott whooped drunkenly before shouting "WE'VE GOT CUSTOMERS!" and dived into the kitchen

"Professor, this is insane! We cant run this mansion for 24 hours! Have you finally gone off the deep end?!" Jean snapped as Professor X simply chuckled hysterically

"Eh, what can I say? I cant hang out here in this heap all night, **I** have a life! See ya! SUCKEEERRRSSSS!" Professor X taunted, cackling like a maniac as he sped off in his limo

Jean could only mutter in angry gibberish as Scott paced around her desk chanting "Night, night, night, night, night, Na-na-na-na NIGGGHHHHTTT!" Scott whooped hysterically, twirling a hammer up in the air only to smash one of the lighting fixtures

"Watch it will ya!" a Jamie clone hissed, as electric sparks trinkled over the ceiling

"Oh, I see I have no choice." Jean groaned before handing Scott a large bag of garbage "Do us all a favor and take out the trash." "ALL RIGHT! Taking out the trash at…" Scott stuttered as the trash compacter was way out in the yard, as the sky turned ominously red-black.

"Well? What are you doing?" Jean asked impatiently

"I dunno Jean, it looks a bit… freaky." Scott gulped as an evil smile crept over Jean's face. "But I thought you **liked** the night shift. Heehehehehe." Jean cackled as Scott's look of fear changed into a look of courage

"You're right! FOR THE XAVIER MANSION!" Scott charged, before bursting out the house, blabbering in hysterics, hurling the trashbag into the compactor, slamming the door shut and running back into the mansion, gasping and wheezing loudly before snapping his fingers and replying "Piece of cake."

"So… you're not afraid of the night shift?" Jean asked slyly, a sinister grin forming on her face "Pfft, nah." Scott remarked

"Well… **I** am. Especially after… you know." Jean fakingly uttered in a false scared voice. "What? What happened?" Scott asked

"It was all over the news! Ah,ah I don't think you should hear it. It would ruin the night shift… for **you**." Jean uttered, her eyes glowing red, snickering sadistically

"What is it? What is it?" Scott excitedly repeated

"You mean to say, you never heard the story of… The Hash-Slaying Slasher?" Jean echoed, as sinister music played in the background

"The Sash-Wringing Hasher?" Scott confusedly repeated "*THE HASH-SLAYING SLASHER!" Jean repeated, cackling "The Cash-Dinging, the Bell-Ringing, the-the Crash-Cleaning, the-the Dask-Bringing… eh?" Scott clumsily muttered, as Jean stared at him with a bored look "*Yes*, the Hash-Slaying Slasher. **BUT** they only called him that because that's all they have to say before he gets them!" Jean said, a frightening glint in her eye

"Tell me tell me the story!" Scott excitedly echoed. "Years ago… at this very mansion, there was a mutant cadet, just. Like. You. Only dumber!" Jean wailed in a ghostly voice as Scott's eyes were wide open

"Popcorn?" Remy asked GR. Ghost Rider took a bag and with a shake, poured the whole contents in his mouth

"Are you gonna share that?" Rogue asked. GR responded with a loud burping noise. "I'll take that as a no." Kitty replied. Rogue gave her a glare that signaled shut up.

"Then one day, while he was cutting the patties, it happened." Jean echoed in a menacingly hiss. "He forgot to wash his hands?" Scott asked. Jean did a double take "No." "Forgot to brush teeth?" "No." "Forgot the secret sauce?" "No." "What?" "HE CUT OFF HIS OWN HAND!" Jean roared, foam dripping from the mouth to Ghost Rider's delight

"Hey, this is gonna be fun." GR chuckled before shouting "You go Jeannie! Woohoo!" and opened a keg of root beer and took a large swig

"Like this?" Scott asked, pretending to cut off a hand, using Forge's fake hand puppet as a prop "No." Jean replied "Well, um did it ever heal itself?" Jamie asked

"HE WASN'T A MUTANT!" Jean hissed "So?" Scott quizzically asked "So it didn't grow back!" That did it. All the Jamie clones burst out and ran for the closet, cowering in fear

"Chickens." Victor teased in disgust. One clone spat out raspberries and slammed the door

"And he replaced it… with a rusty spatula." Jean echoed, holding a razor-sharp spatula "Then he got HIT BY A BUS! And, at his burial, they FIRED HIM!" Jean repeated, her eyes growing more larger

"And do you wanna know what happens next?" Jean asked "What?" Scott uttered "You really really REALLY wanna know?" "TELL ME TELL ME!" Scott chanted, up and down before Ghost Rider gripped him on the shoulder

"He… GETS YA!" GR cackled maniacally, as Scott shrieked loudly. GR and Jean were cackling in hysterics, rolling on the floor as Scott screamed on and on

"Haha… woo, that was a good one, ha ha, geez, uh.. Scott?" Jean asked as he kept screaming. "Scott!" jean repeated as she could make out his eye pupils screaming. "SCOTT! Get a hold of yourself! Calm down!" Jean hollered, slapping him left and right

"No worry Jean I'll handle this, calm down everythings gonna be fine." Remy assured, shaking Scott by the shirt collar

"Gambit, you're wanted on the phone." Madame Hydra called as she then juggled Scott like a football as Thor, Juggernaut, Spiral, Exodus, Venom and Charaxes stood in line. Hey, what are you doing? You're from DC! This is Marvel

"It's my first cameo on the internet, I oughta…" Charaxes started before realizing "I'm… I'm on tv. I'm famous! I'M A CELEBRITY! YA-HOOOO! HEY MA, LOOK I TOLD YOU ID MAKE IT!" Charaxes hollered wildly, opening and spurting a large jug of champagne

"Oh boy, this is gonna be a LONG night…" Rogue muttered

It was now 1 in the morning as a vulture flew over the roof of the mansion with the neon signs proclaiming 'OPEN FOREVER'. Jean was fast asleep on the register booth, sucking her thumb in her sleep, not hearing the faint squishing sounds on the ceiling. Jean got up with a yawn and rubbed her sleepy eyes as a pint of water dripped on the table. Jean ignored it and went back to sleep. Unbeknownst to her, it was coming from Scott, washing the ceiling with zero-gravity magnetic boots by Forge. Jean was about to reach for her precious plush teddy bear when Scott echoed "Isnt this fun Jean?"

"AAAAUUGH!" Jean screamed, her hair standing on all fours as Scott was next to her on the wall

"Hey! Knock it off Grey! Some of us are trying to sleep here!" Warren rang out

"Some of us aint sober enough…" Logan slurred drunkenly

"Grr, 24 hours a day,what a stupid idea! Who the heck wants a krabby patty at 1 in the morning?" Jean grouched. Coincidentally, Fred got up and flipped open the mattress to reveal a Krabby Patty

"All right. 1 Am!" Fred whooped, munching cheerfully on his breakfast. "Look at this heap! This isn't even fit for animals, much less sabre-toothed tigers!" Logan grumbled

"HEY!" Victor roared. Jean gave the two a look that signaled make-up and don't make me come up there

"Hey, why's the bus here this late at the day?" Scott asked as Jean's eye twitched as a charter bus sped off in a ghostly fog, to reveal an ominous figure with a spatula in his hand!

"AAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!" Jean screamed in horror, hugging Scott in terror, sucking on her thumb in fear

"The-the Hash-Bringing, the-the crash-dining… THE HASH-SLAYING SLASHER!" Jean and Scott both echoed and both babbled in fear hysterically as the figure approached them only to reveal… **TOAD?**

"It was my finest hour yo. Not every day I have a twist role." Todd explained as Jean and Scott sighed in relief

"What are you doin' here?" Scott asked "I called earlier, but I hung up cause I was nervous." Todd explained, lowering his shirt sleeve to reveal his hand gripping the spatula

"So… If that was you on the bus and on the phone… then who was flickering with the lights?" Jean asked as all three turned to look at the original vampire Nosferatu flipping the light switch up and down like crazy

"Nosferatu!" Jean, Scott and Todd teased jokingly. Nosferatu revealed a toothed grin and the lights went out

"PRINT! We have it!" GR announced, as the X-Gang limped upstairs "Great work everyone. Batman100 will be very pleased when he sees this." GR then started looking for Jean and Scott, but then stopped and smiled as he saw the two sound asleep on the sofa. Scott was snoring, while Jean was cuddling her teddy, sucking her thumb in her sleep. Ghost Rider gently placed a long, comfy satin blanket over them and gave Jean a kiss "Nite sweetheart, see you in the morning." GR whispered gently as Emma watched with a smile

"You're a good man Johnny." Emma said happily. "Yeah, I know what's best for them. Those two are like my own kids." GR explained with a joyful look on his face

"Come on cowboy, we have work in the morning." Emma replied sweetly, kissing GR on the cheek as she headed upstairs. Ghost Rider took a look at Scott and Jean slumbering safely and instantly placed a nite-lite by the sofa and turned it on as Leaning on the Everlasting Arms played in the background

_Leaning, leaning_

_Safe and secure from all harm._

_Leaning, leaning._

_Leaning on the everlasting arms. _Android 18 mused, playing the guitar while singing that last note. She faced the camera and replied "Until next time."

**I also do not own X-Men: Evolution, Airplane!, Monty Python, SpongebobSquarepants, or Ghost Rider. Leaning on the Everlasting Arms was used in the same melody in the 2010 remake of True Grit. All rights reserved.**


End file.
